Receptiveness

In The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian use the term “male-receptive anal penetration”. I remember being struck by that phrase – and especially the word “receptive” – when I first read the book a few years ago when I was beginning to explore prostate pleasure.

The more I’ve thought about it since then, the more it seems like the word “receptive” captures the state of mind you are in when you enjoy prostate pleasure, whether that is alone or with a partner. It’s a totally different mindset than a man traditionally has during sex, which is all about doing. Prostate pleasure, on the other hand, is all about receiving.

A lot of the articles out there mention this but don’t really get deep into it. An article in Vice says that in order to enjoy prostate pleasure you you need to retrain or “rewire” your brain: “You’ll feel vulnerable. Being penetrated is a totally different mindset.”

Vulnerability – being vulnerable, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, embracing and enjoying that vulnerability – is definitely a huge part of it. In a review of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure that I found, Airial Clark writes: “Leaving the 'get it up, get it in, get it off' mentality behind and moving into a receptive role can result in a new feeling of vulnerability." That totally nails it.

This receptive mindset is why you have to actually prepare yourself to enjoy prostate pleasure, as opposed to jacking off, which you can just spontaneously do. With prostate pleasure, it’s not just a matter of charging your vibrator (if you’re playing alone), having a shower, and practical things like that. It’s also a matter of getting into the right headspace – i.e. getting into that receptive state where you’re ready to receive a finger or toy.

If the typical male mentality is “get it up, get it in, get off”, as Airial Clark said, I feel like the mentality you need to enjoy prostate pleasure is something like “relax, open up, receive.”