10 things I learned from The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure by Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian, which came out in 2013, is pretty much the definitive guide to prostate pleasure. It covers the ins and outs of everything from the anatomy of prostate pleasure to prostate massage techniques to hang ups about male-receptive anal penetration. It aims to “empower men to claim the prostate as an erogenous zone ripe for exploration.” (Love that!) I read it soon after I began exploring prostate pleasure and here is what I learned from it.

1. The prostate swells up when it is stimulated

The book starts by explaining where the prostate is: “just behind and slightly above the bulb of the penis, a few inches inside the perineum”. People often compare it to a walnut, but the book says a small plum is a better comparison. You can stimulate it externally (by pressing on the taint) or internally (by stroking towards the front of the body, i.e. through the rectal wall). When it is stimulated, the prostate swells up and becomes engorged with prostate fluid.

2. Penetration feels good

As well as stimulation of the prostate itself, it is the general feeling of being penetrated by a toy or finger that makes it feel so good. “Anal pleasure is mostly made up of the sensation of being filled up and stretched out and penetrated,” the book explains. Some of the men quoted in the book talk about that feeling of fullness. It makes me think of when I slide a vibrator or plug inside me and how big it feels and how good that feels – it almost takes my breath away.

3. Male sexuality is amazingly like female sexuality

It’s amazing how similar the male P-Spot is to the female G-spot. Both are a few inches inside the body, and you stimulate them by pressing towards the front of the body. They both respond to the same kinds of strokes and fill with fluid. The way men describe having their prostate stimulated is also very similar to how women describe G-spot stimulation. Now that I have discovered prostate pleasure, I even masturbate the same way a woman does – with a vibrator!

4. Having an orgasm is not the same as ejaculating

I’d always thought of cumming and having an orgasm as the same thing. But they’re not. “Ejaculation is the emission and explusion of semen, while orgasm is the experience of pleasurable release. In terms of the nervous system, ejaculation is a spinal cord reflex, whereas orgasm happens in the cerebral cortex of the brain.” Because they are two distinct processes, it means it is possible to have orgasms without ejaculating – “nonejaculatory orgasms.”

5. Men can have multiple orgasms too!

When you have learned to have an orgasm without ejaculating, it also means you can also have multiple orgasms – again, just like a woman. I knew this already because I had experienced it myself before I read the book, but it explains how it works. With prostate orgasms, there is no refractory period like there is after you ejaculate, so you can keep having more orgasms. That is still the thing that is so amazing to me about prostate orgasms – it just keeps going and going.

6. Some men prefer prostate orgasms to conventional orgasms

The book quotes lots of guys talking about how prostate orgasms feel and a lot of them emphasise not just how different they are from regular orgasms but how much better they are – so it’s not just me! They are “broader more powerful” and it feels like it is deeper inside you. One guy quoted in the book says “it is a “deeper, fuller, more encompassing pleasure radiating from within the body instead of feeling like external stimulation”. The feeling of satisfaction afterwards is different too – kinda more blissful. One guy quoted in the book says he has “a heightened sense of postcoital release and relaxation”. That’s it – even though I haven’t ejaculated, I feel more satisfied.

7. It’s okay to like prostate pleasure

One of the great things the book does is to give men “permission” to enjoy prostate pleasure. There is a great chapter called “Real Men Don’t”, which addresses hang-ups about sexual orientation, masculinity and gender roles and explains how they hold men back from exploring prostate pleasure. Men “perform” masculinity, which means they are not being true to themselves and it stops them discovering what they might enjoy. They “get stuck trying to fit themselves into a sexual script that does not feel right to them” – what the books calls “The Box”. In particular, we are conditioned to think that receiving penetration is the woman’s role in sex.

8. You can “rewire” your brain

There is a great section in the book on “rewiring”. It explains how your brain has to learn how to interpret a new kind of stimulation as pleasurable. You are learning how to experience a new sensation in a new way – the “rewiring” process. Initially, prostate play was way out of my comfort zone. I had to learn to enjoy it. A big part of that was kind of letting go and allowing myself to enjoy a totally different kind of pleasure.

9. Prostate pleasure = intimacy

The book talks about “the deep feelings of intimacy” than men experience when they open up (literally and figuratively) to their partner. “Anal penetration makes me feel very vulnerable, it takes a great deal of trust in your partner to let them play with this part of your body. Experiencing that trust can make you feel closer.” Even just sharing your experience of prostate pleasure with your partner feels very intimate.

10. Kegels are for men too!

I had always thought Kegel exercises were just for men. But I’ve now realized men should do them too. I didn’t know anything about PC muscles and how important they are to sexual response in men as well as women. Getting them in shape makes orgasms feel more intense, makes anal penetration easier, and decreases the refractory period after ejaculation. “When your PC muscle is stronger, it is able to contract harder, longer and more repeatedly,” the book says.

For more on the book, check out the website.