Erotic focus

In this article from earlier this year, the great sex educator Carol Queen (who wrote the foreword to The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure) says that discovering that prostate pleasure gives you an "alternative erotic focus". That is so spot on!

We are taught to be so focused on our dicks – as if sexual pleasure completely revolved around them. But in reality, we have other erogenous zones too. When you discover them, it diversifies how you think about sexual pleasure and which parts of your anatomy you associate it with. Discovering prostate pleasure is such a game changer because you feel sexual pleasure inside you. Now, when I’m horny, it’s like I feel it in a different place than I used to – deep inside me instead of just in my dick.

That great phrase Queen used – “alternative erotic focus” – made me think about the evolution of my own sexuality since I discovered prostate pleasure. It did give me an alternative, but pretty quickly it went way beyond that. For me it wasn't just that discovering prostate pleasure gave me an alternative erotic focus, but that it led to a kind of shift in my erotic focus – away from my dick towards my prostate.

That shift is what I meant when I tweeted a while back that it felt like the center of my sexuality had switched. When I masturbate (i.e. stimulate my prostate with a plug or vibrator), my dick becomes kinda peripheral and I forget about it as I focus on the pleasure deep inside me. So it's like my dick just doesn't seem as important as it did before I discovered prostate pleasure.