Forget your dick!

The Tantus Twist sometimes gets me hard, but I ignore it!

A lot of guys like to stroke their dicks during anal penetration (or have them stroked if they're playing with a partner). The P-spot is often compared with the G-spot, and a lot of women like clitoral and G-spot stimulation at the same time, so it makes sense that men would want to enjoy that same kind of simultaneous stimulation. But I'm not one of those men. When my prostate is being stimulated, I almost totally forget about my dick – and apparently I’m not the only one.

According to The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, some men do find that “strokin' it is essential to making prostate play erotic.” But other men prefer to leave it alone. They find that once their dick gets involved, it takes over the experience and drowns out the sensations they are feeling in their prostate. “They prefer to sink deeply into the prostate pleasure on its own, magnifying the subtle sensations of the prostate by focusing on them intently to the point where these sensations can feel very powerful indeed,” Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian write in the book.

I can identify with that – when I masturbate it is all about my prostate. I sink into it as they say. But it’s not exactly because the sensations are subtle and I have to concentrate on them in order to amplify them and make them more powerful. It's the other way around – I want to concentrate them on because they are so powerful and more intense than what I feel in my dick when I am stroking it. By now I also know that a prostate orgasm is so much more intense than a regular orgasm, lasts longer, and ultimately leaves me more satisfied. So my dick becomes kinda peripheral.

For me, that's been one of the biggest changes in how I think about male sexuality since I started exploring prostate pleasure. We are conditioned to think of sexual pleasure as revolving entirely around our dicks – and everything builds up to the cumshot. But once you experience prostate pleasure you realize that what you have known up to that point is a lot like a woman's clitoral orgasm. After you experience the equivalent of a woman's G-spot orgasms, your dick doesn't seem so important anymore.

I do still stroke my dick when I am feeling horny – and it still feels good. But within a few minutes I start to feel my prostate, my PC muscles start to tense, and I get that craving to be filled and to feel that pressure on my prostate. The anticipation makes my dick hard, and I am usually still semi-hard when I slide a vibrator or plug inside me. But then the intense feelings in my prostate take over and pretty soon my dick is soft. A couple of times when I first started exploring prostate pleasure, I did try stroking my dick at the same time, but it kinda threw me off. It felt like a distraction. In other words, playing with my dick is like foreplay.

Apparently some guys also get hard later on during prostate stimulation. Prostate toy expert Mr. Racy has produced a great infographic in which he says there are five stages of prostate orgasm and that it is at the fourth stage just before orgasm that lots of men get erect. (That has never happened to me, though when I use my Tantus Twist plug my dick sometimes gets hard.) His advice is to ignore it. “Leave it alone,” he says. “Just let the hard-on happen.” I would definitely agree with that – whether you get hard or not, forget about your dick and just enjoy what is going on inside you!